Sunday, May 6, 2007

Yesterday was so much fun... it was NH Youthfest and me and Merediht and Other and Welina went and it was just a ton of fun.  I personally enjoy the car rides the most.   It was tons and tons of fun.  We talked and Welina and i had a ton of fun thinking about YA. It so exciting.
--
Love Always, Nicole

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

i hate everything.... I can't do this anymore. I don't know what to
do.............

--
Love Always, Nicole

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Friday, April 27, 2007

I wish i could figure out what I want to do with my life... I feel like I'm being pulled in a ton of different directions!!!
 
Dear God,
Please guide me in making the right decisions... show me what you want me to do.
Thank you!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

group is where the heart is!!!

group is where the heart is... the love is... the comfort is... the pain is... the happiness is... I love you all... can't believe I'm moving on... but I''ll always be here for all of you...you are my family.... family sticks together<3


--
Love Always, Nicole

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Sunday, April 15, 2007

life

Ok so why is everyone leaving?? I feel like the people I care about the most are leaving me because my life is too much for everyone, especially me, to handle. I need people and I can't do this much longer... I'm scared and alone and that's how i always am... forver.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

ergggggggg...

Okay so why am I falling apart? I just don't get it. I shouldn't be falling apart... my life's not all that bad. I just have no ability to withstand it... I mean I push everyone away... I hurt people .... it's not fair to everyone who knows me and has to deal with me.

I am going on retreat on Monday and I honestly don't even know if I want to go.... Like is it just going to make me feel worse... like a horrible person. I don't like that feeling... But what if God wants me there... what if He has something I need to know about... need to feel. Like maybe it won't be all that bad at all.

I'm just so confused right now...........

Friday, April 13, 2007


A hurt, a pain, a nuisance

But most of all a cry.

A cry from the very botton of my soul,

A cray wishing that the blood would roll,

A cry to release the tears,

A cry to voice the fears,

A cry to understand why they keep leaving,

A cry to help me keep believing,

A cry to get rid of the mundane thoughts,

A cry to remember the times I have fought,

A cry to wash the pain away,

A cry out for another day,

A cry to release the stress,

A cry to help clean up the mess,

A cry for someone to see the pain,

A cry for God to ease the rain,

A cry to help tear down the wall,

A cry to be caught before I fall,

A cry to understand why he was lain*,

A cry to understand why He was slain,

A cry to reach out to the others,

A cry to remember my sisters and brothers,

A cry filled with sorrow pain and doubt,

A cry attempting to figure it out,

A cry for the razor, my closest friend,

A cry for because I want this all to end,

A cry as a girl with nothing to stop her,

A cry to the heavens in hopes He will stop her,

A cry hoping that someone will help me,

A cry because I know who it will not be,

A cry to remember the worst times,

A cry to forgive all my own crimes,

A cry to understand all t hat is happening,

A cry to back to who I was happy being,

A cry to mend my broken heart,

A cry to go back to the start,

A cry out to someone filled with love,

A cry hoping to bring down the dove.

 


--
Love Always, Nicole