do you ever have those days were nothing goes right? well i had one of them today and it was just no fun. work sucked. i didn't get in trouble or anything but my shoulder was killing and i was bored and counting down the minutes. i miss Bunches of Fun(the playroom) a lot. there were chairs there lol. it

and then i realized how much i hate not being able to drive when i got stuck on a bus for like 3 hours in the freezing cold weather that made my lungs hurt. then i came home... burnt my grilled cheese, almost fell asleep, and have been cleaning my room since like eight but i don't feel like i'm getting anywhere. in the midst of cleaning my room i heard from one of my teachers who basically told me my grade was fucked cuz i skipped a paper and it was a huge percent of my grade. so my grades aren't good anymore. my GPA is a mess. i feel like my life's a mess when it's really not. idk. blah. i miss St. Mary's but i can't really seem to bring myself back there... not in spirit. i mean i don't mind going or anything i just don't feel anything anymore. it's empty.

yesterday i found out joe, my neighbor, has lung cancer. he's lived next door to me since i was 11. he's given me a card full of money at every birthday part, my graduation, my confirmation. and i hardly know him. but i know he cares about me. and i hate that. today he was taken away in an ambulance. it sucks. papa had lung cancer. i miss him. christmas isnt the same without him and joe's diagnosis makes me think about it more. i had almost put it out of my head. i can't believe it's been 8 and a half months. i can't believe he's gone. i miss him. i never thought i could miss someone this much. i thought i heard him the other day... i know that sounds crazy. but i really thought that i heard him. and for a moment, one millisecond, i thought it was all a dream. i was wrong. it was daniel. i was so happy... for that one millisecond:-(



plus lately... i've been very confused about something and it's eating away my head. so idk.