i dont even know

i dont know what i'm doing w anything right now. i wanna go out. i wanna run away. i wanna get out of my head for like five minutes. then it would all be okay... but that can't happen, won't happen. i feel like i keep hurting people. i push people. i push them away. i push them past the breaking point. im scared. im scared of my head. ill admit that. my head is not okay right now. its not. i wish it was but its not. and i just dont know what to do. i want to fix it but i dont know how. i want to fix everything. im not okay. but i dont know what to do. and im really scared of myself. im scared of everything. i just... idk.